My Acid Experience

It’s an uncomfortable thing making posts like this. For one I feel extremely conceited making a whole post about myself instead of something I’ve been watching or listening to or working on. Aside from that this is just something that’s kind of personal and I don’t usually talk about it unless it has a joke involved. So here it goes. My acid experience. I have experienced with psychedelics before. I tried shrooms once and I had a great time. Me and my friend bought them at like midnight cause the connect was taking too long and we both had to work the next day but we were already too excited to try them that we both just went home and did them. I enjoyed the feels the sights and the sounds and I came to the conclusion that Tim Heidecker might be the greatest comedian of all time. I don’t know if that still stands but he is definitely one of the greats in my book. But my acid experience was not my shroom experience. With acid I wanted to try them alone so I would be able to fully feel it out for myself and also for creative reasons. I texted my friend and he told me he could sell me a tab so he came by and dropped it off to me at my house. Keep in mind my whole family was home and I was planning on just tripping in my room. That is what happened, that was also a terrible idea. So it took about an hour for the acid to hit. It was about 3pm. I was loving it. Everything looked great. My music sounded great. At the time I was going through an obsession with the band Jank so I had them playing pretty much the entire time. I grabbed a blanket, stepped outside, threw it on the ground and just layed there. Watching the clouds and also the way the wall was shifting shape and texture before my very eyes, I was in awe. It was the feeling of having complete and total happiness flowing through my blood stream. I couldn’t think of one thing that could possibly ruin how I was feeling at the time. I wanted to tell someone so bad. I wanted someone to know how I was feeling and feel what I’m feeling. That was the first problem. I didn’t want to tell my friends because I knew they wouldn’t care. “Cool Tre you’re on acid.” What else is there really to say about that. I didn’t want to rant about it on twitter because of course I would be. “yo im fucked up everything looks crazy im on acid rt.” I didn’t want to be that guy. Couldn’t tell my family because well, obviously they didn’t know. So who could I tell? No one. I sat there in my room thinking about the fact that i felt like I couldn’t tell anyone what I was feeling. Things started getting dark. I couldn’t hold this all in anymore I got to a point where I started getting super anxious about it. Something I didn’t mention earlier was that I was also going scientist mode on myself. I had my camera that I made my videos with, I felt like I could talk to the camera and just say what I was feeling. So I set up my camera, and every little while I would turn it on and just talk about what I was feeling. Since then the videos have all been deleted fuggitaboutit. At first I was just anxious and excited and happy but as the videos went on I got more distant and deeper into my head. One thing my friend told me when I tried shrooms was “You will have weird thoughts. Do not dwell on them”. Well, it was too late for that because I was in full dwell mode. I have all this happiness inside of me and no one to release it on, not in a sexual way, I just wanted someone to be happy with me. It was total happiness and total loneliness at the same time. I ended up finding myself sitting in my closet. A bit dramatic I know but it happened I won’t lie to ya’ll. I ended up looking deep into myself. Telling myself different things about me, I’m self-centered, arrogant. I don’t care about anyone but myself. Everything I do is for the validation of others. Just things like that, that people put themselves down about every once in a while but at the time I was really feeling the self-loathing. The thing that really had me thinking about that was the fact that when i was on acid, all of a sudden I was in  a movie. A horror movie and the only way this was going to pass was if I came to peace with my demons. When I tell ya’ll I addressed every demon I could think of at the time and only two and half hours have passed since my trip started. I was in full freak out mode. It wasn’t working. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a movie and I was in a trip. I knew that my friends were going to be wanting to hang out later that night so I just told myself I could just hang out and bullshit until then which was at about nine or ten. I tried waiting. I would wait for about five minutes. I would look down at my phone and nothing more than thirty seconds have pissed. I wasn’t watching tv or playing video games or anything I was just sitting there listening to Jank. Jank is a very different band with very intense sounds so at this point in my trip they were doing more harm than help. I was stuck in my head. I would think about something, then that thought would break off into a tangent of another thought and that would happen for a good minute then I would finally come to the conclusion of my first thought and all of a sudden I was there again. Just sitting in my room. It was almost like I was constantly taking a step and looking at myself. Taking one step back, looking at myself then taking another step back and looking at myself looking at myself and it would just go into a string of me stepping back and observing if that makes sense. It was almost a loop. I started having scarier thoughts at this point. What if this doesn’t end? What if this messes up my brain so much I end up having some crazy mental disorder for the rest of my life. It was scary. The videos I was taking were getting darker. I was at a legitimate breaking point where the only thing I could do to stop this loop in my head was to end my life. It was bad. I stared in my mirror knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do but also knowing that I was so fucked and there was nothing else for me to do. Then I stopped. I thought of something else I could do. I picked up my phone and called my friend that sold me the acid. I told him what was going on and how freaked out I was and in an act of desperation asked him if he could pick me up from my house. He said yeah. It wasn’t weird or anything he wasn’t like a “Drug dealer” but a really good friend of mine so it made me a little more comfortable with reaching out to him. He came by, grabbed me and then we went and grabbed his cousin. They basically talked me through it. He told me to constantly remind myself that this won’t be forever and my trip will end. I owe these guys my life. They told me stories of times they took like 3 or 4 tabs of acid at once and their adventures like that. All I could think was “3 or 4 holy shit how”. We hung out for a good 2 to 3 hours and just talked. During that time I started getting other realizations. A couple more of their friends joined us and we had a group of people all talking. Bare with me for this next part. It was almost like I could see the energy coming off people with their interactions. It’s hard to explain so I won’t try. But something that I learned then was how to give other people spotlight. People are great. Everyone has something to talk about. Everyone can make you laugh if you just listen. After that my friend dropped me back off at my crib. He gave me some recommendations for shows I should watch to help through the rest of my trip. I spent the rest of the night watching Super Jail which was a perfect show for me to watch. The next morning I woke up and I felt like Scrooge at the end of A Christmas Carol. I haven’t really been through anything I would label as “traumatic” in my life but that day was definitely something I would classify as traumatic and maybe even a near-death experience. I was so happy to be alive. Showing my full appreciation to everyone around me. Also something I feel happened after I tried acid was my empathy level rose tremendously. I can’t really explain how but I could just feel in and see it in the way I reacted to different things and the replies I would give to people. I tried explaining my experience to my friends. They didn’t understand. That was okay. I was okay. This is not to say, don’t do acid. I will definitely do it again in my life time. But make sure you’re with people, especially someone who’s experienced. And don’t lock yourself in your room lol. The picture attatched is something I wrote down while I was recording my experiences in the middle of my trip.

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